Wednesday, August 27, 2008

And I don't want to be...a HYPOCRITE

Due to different emotions and concerns yesterday, I almost lost my self again.There was a battle within myself.At di ko gusto ung pakiramdam na un. Pakiramdam ko kasi pag ganun nasisikipan si Papa Jesus sa puso ko...nadudumihan...nasasaktan. And I felt so guilty pag alam kong nasasaktan ko ung mahal ko.

Akala ko controlling my emotions is enough...
Akala ko setting my focus on other things will make my mind at peace...
samantalang alam ko naman talaga ang dapat gawin. Which is to...
TRUST GOD.
Another truth na alam ko pero pansamantala ko na namang di nagawa. Sandali ko lang di nagawa pero ang laki agad ng epekto sa sarili ko.

Then GG Beth reminded me the topic for CLP this Saturday: What it means to be a Christian. And I think I feel that I'm a hypocrite when I lead our discussion group about what being a Christian means if I can't set myself as an example. Ayokong makipaglokohan. Sa dami ng pwede kong lokohin si God pa. Ayoko!

Hindi rin basta-basta ung lyrics nung mga kakantahin this sat sa clp. Actually all songs of praise and worship naman di basta-basta ang lyrics. And my principle in singing songs of praise is that I sing it not because I'm vocally capacitated but because that is what my heart wants to tell. Kaya with my emotions yesterday, parang nasabi ko sa sarili ko na di ako makakakanta sa Music Min sa Saturday.Parang nakikipaglokohan na naman kasi ako pag ganon. I sing songs of praise tapos ung puso ko andaming doubts. Kalokohan lang.Kaya sabi ko kay God di na ko magtataka kung sa Saturday wala akong boses.

Then I've read the verse last night, which came from Matthew 23:27-28:
"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within they are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness.So you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but within you are full of hypocrisy and iniquity."

Na-guilty ako...isang malaking patama sa naramdaman ko ng buong araw. But at the end of the day, napansin kong unti-unting naayos ung concerns ko. Naguilty na naman ako. I realized that I haven't trusted God enough. Hay...super sorry tuloy ako. Pero after that conversation with God ang gaan na ng pakiramdam ko. As if someone gave me a warm embrace. Lalo na ngayong umaga.

May lumilipad-lipad pa sa isip ko na concerns but I know that God's promise is more powerful. Right now I'm holding on to the promise that God will provide...

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