Wednesday, October 24, 2007

ReMiNisciNg NERDS..

It's been a long time since makumpleto ang NERDS n batch namin..di kasi nagpaparamdam ung iba..kamusta naman?? Basta super miss ko n sila..they have a special place kasi dito sa puso ko..yihii..ang mushy!hahaha! kaya nung sinagutan ko tong survey na to..sila ang naalala ko..=D

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questions underneath until you writethe names of all 21 people. This is alot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first. No Cheating!!!

1.Sir Metra

2.MP
3.Diane
4.Beth
5.Sossy
6.Jabez
7.Jayson C
8.Cherry
9.Krispin
10.Rex
11.JL
12.Gian
13.Jean
14.Kevin
15.Jen
16.Jayson V
17.Ghelo
18.Michael
19.Domz
20.Ivy
21.Albert

$ Where did you 1st meet 17?
~ c Ghelo..sa East Asia..sa A301 to be axact?haha

$ Do you know any of 8's secrets?
~ secret ni Chery?haha.madame eh..basta secret..

$ Did 3 ever fancy u?
~ astig yang c diane!sobra!

$ Do u think 5 is good looking?
~ c Sossy..uu..cute siya..haha!ang liit kasi ng mata!ang
chubby pa!


$ What would be ur reaction if 9 fought with 20?
~ mag-aaway c krispin at ivy?haha kamusta naman un!di naman pumapatol sa babae si pin..ay,di nga ba?=p

$ What would be ur reaction if 11 went out with 2?
~ JL went out with MP..ok lang..officemates naman sila eh..=D

$ Would you ever date 13?
~ c jean?why not!sister date!o kaya bday date!we have the same bday kasi ^-^

$ What would be ur reaction if 14 made out with 15?
~ Kevin at Jen? magugulat..super unexpected eh..hihi..

$ Name at least one fact about 4, 9, 14 and 19.
~ Beth: Pareho kaming dominante..at ang mahal kong GG..
Krispin: ang karibal ko sa kulay..hehe..super sweet and thoughtful din.
Kevin: super inlove kay AJ..
Domz: super galang sakin..wahaha!

$- Did 7 ever lend u money? Is he/she cheap?
~ c Jayson?uu naman! madalas! hahaha!

$- Describe 21's personality in one word.
~ astehg

$- Do you think that 12 is funny?
~ sometimes..hehe..di ko p nkksma c Gian ng super tagal eh.

$- Would u ever kiss 11?
~ uu..pero sa cheeks lang..nung nainggit siya beso-beso namin nila beth.haha!

$- Do u think that 20 is goofy looking?
~ hindi ah..ganda n kaya ni ivy ngayon..nagsusuklay n siya..hehehe..

$- Ever had a pillow fight with 1?
~ hahaha..pillow fight with kuya iks?di pa..at ayoko..matinding pumalo un eh!

$- Ever slept over in 15's house?
~ never pa..kelan b pwede jen?hehhee..

$- How old is 6?
~ 21 nung july..

$- Have u ever seen 9 and 8 make out?
~ make out?di ko alam..=D

$- Name one funny event u had with 18.
~ madami eh..mula acm to ppcrv to videoke ginagawa naming funny event..haha!kakaloka kc c michael!

$- What's the funniest thing about 13?
~ di ko pa alam kung anong funny kay jean..basta ntutuwa ako pag nawawala ung mata niya pag ngumingiti siya..hihi..tangkad pa..

$- What if 16 was ur twin sibling?
~ ang henyo naman ng twin ko kung sakali!e di sakto tawagan namin..bading at bakla! twin n twin ang dating!wahahahaha!

$- Did u ever hug 7?
~ uu naman!

$- Did 2 ever made u really furious?
~ ay hindi..sinusumbong ko si MP agad kay Diane pag meron siyang ginagawang mapipikon ako..hihihi..

$- Whats the craziest thing 11 ever did that u know of?
~ c jL..ano ba..pag kasama ko siya feeling ko crazy moments palagi..ang cute kasi ng pagka-weird niya..hihi..di ko alam ung craziest n nagwa niya.=D

$- Have u ever seen 3 naked?
~ c diane?haha!gud luck!

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hay..super miss ko n talaga sila..huhuhu...T_T

Monday, October 22, 2007

LOVE MORE TILL IT HURTS NO MORE..My SFC BapTisM!!!




October 20, 2007 Saturday -

I was so excited that day because it was my SFC baptism! After my whole week preparation! We were told to wear Sunday dress (Sunday dress means business attire to me.haha!) So I went to Fatima Church to attend our clp.The aura of the place was different. The service team were in white shirt.Then the talk started. The topic was "Receiving the Holy Spirit"..

As the speaker talks,I felt something different in my heart.It beats very fast and my eyes wanted to cry.I felt that fire again in my heart just like what I felt when I was a YFC. As the Music Ministry sung different worship songs during our baptism, I kept praying as I waited to be baptized. While praying, I felt something really different and I can't stop crying. It was like the tears flowing from my eyes were the burdens and luggage that were in my heart.And as I pour it out,my heart became cleansed and purified..it was like I had a new heart.

When it was my turn to be baptized,my knees were shaking again.And when I sat to the chair,I really felt my facilitator's prayers.I have received the gift of tongues before but I think this was the time that I received it fully(in an IT word, it was like an upgrade!).I can't control the words coming out of my mouth.I was praying in my mind and the words coming out from me was different.I really felt the holy spirit that time.My heart was filled with happiness..full of joy..that finally, I am back to my King.I am God's princess again!yipeee!!!

After lots of prayers, I promised to my self that I will share this blessing. I will share the gift that I will receive from my God. I can't really explain the happiness that I felt that time. God answered my prayers. I remember that when I became a facilitator/team head in YFC, I prayed to God that I want to experience to be a participant again..so that other people will pray over me.Well,prayer answered! During sad times, I prayed to God that I want to have the happy heart again that I have experienced in YFC..the heart that is ready to be hurt and has a full trust in God..again, prayer answered!

All my prayers were answered..I just need to trust in God's time and plan.Sometimes the answer is no..because He has a better plan.And sometimes the answer is yes, but not now.There was a line that the speaker said that really pinched my heart.It goes like this..

"If we were hurt by loving and giving to others, do not stop loving and giving. Instead, LOVE MORE and GIVE MORE till it HURTS NO MORE."

Until now, I still have this happy feeling in my heart. Some sort of contentment but never contented to serve Christ.How I love Him so much! I know I will face more trials and disappointments in this coming days..but I am ready to be under test. I am God's little Princess and soldier..I may become weak but I have God that strengthens me..

SFC n ko!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! waaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

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I just want to share these stories that came from the homily of Father Mario Sobrejuanite yesterday that really touched my heart:

Story 1: World Map
The father was busy doing his office works in their house and his son wanted to play with him.So just to show that the father has some time for his son, he got a magazine(or book) that has a picture of world map. He cut the map into pieces as it appeared to be a jigsaw puzzle.He then thought that it will took his son for more than three hours to finish the puzzle because his son knows nothing in geography and for that,he can now go back to his work. So he gave the puzzle to his son and asked him to solve the puzzle.With gladness,the son took the challenge.But in just 10 minutes,the son already solved the puzzle.The father was so amazed and asked his son how he was able to do that. Then the son replied."I noticed that the image drawn at the back of the map was the image of Jesus Christ. Jesus' face is easier to solve than the world map. I JUST NEED TO HAVE JESUS CHRIST AND THE WHOLE WORLD WILL COME IN PLACE. =')"

Story 2: The Painting
There is a painting of a burned-out cottage. All that remains is the chimney...the charred debris of what had been that family’s sole possession. In front of this destroyed home stands an old grandfatherly-looking man dressed only in his underclothes with a small boy clutching a pair of patched overalls. It is evident in the painting that the child is crying and deeply distressed. Beneath the picture are the words which the artist felt the old man was speaking to the boy. They are simple words, yet they present a profound theology and philosophy of life. Those words are, “Hush child, God ain’t dead!
(text came from: http://www.stpixels.com/view_page.cgi?from=-1&page=worship-journeys-agabus)

God bless to all! =)

Thursday, October 18, 2007

-==CoNfeSSiOn==-

Something inspirational..

I haven't confessed to a priest since elementary. I am a Catholic but I do not believe in the power of Confession.Since my baptism in SFC is on Oct.20,2007, my facilitator (Mommy Mitch) informed me that it is a must to have Confession first before the baptism.I don't know why but I became very obedient.hehe.Because way back in YFC, they told me to confess but I did not. I just don't want.

So yesterday, I went to Edsa Shrine. I kept on my mind all the sins that I must confess so it will became easy and fast for me when I'm in the room.There was a speaker in the shrine when I went there. So I listened to him for awhile while I was waiting for my turn.His talk was about HAPPINESS.Wah!I felt that blood comes out of my body that time!I'm so guilty about it!Suddenly, I became very nervous.My heart beats very fast.I don't know what to think to control my heart beat..Then it was my turn to confess.

I don't know what to do inside the Confession room.All the things that I supposed to say didn't come out in my mouth.I heard the priest say "You can now start." Wah! I became speechless that time! I felt that it was my own father that I was confessing with! I was too afraid to confess my sins..I was too afraid to tell the truth! Maybe there was a 30-second of silence before I started to confess.I really don't know what happened.But when I started to speak, I can't help to cry. My voice was shaking. And I started to felt dizzy. I felt that my father was there listening to every words that I say.After I finished saying my sins, the priest started to talk.

I thought the priest will judge me..I thought he will say that I am such a sinner..but he didn't. He said that God loves me so much that inspite of all those sins, He is always there, loving and keeping me like his own daughter. The priest said that he didn't said that just to comfort me, but because it was the truth. That God really loves his children with all His heart.The priest said that it was wonderful that I came to confess because it just showed that I humbled my self to the Lord.That I admit that I'm such a sinner and ready to be cleansed by the Holy Spirit.

I know and I already expected that these are the things that a priest will say to those confessing to him.But eventhough these were expected words,every word that he said touched my heart as if it was my real father talking to me.As if it was the Lord trying to comfort me and saying that He loves me so much and there's nothing to worry about..that there's no reason for me to be lonely.I'm precious to Him and that I am still His princess..awhhh..my knees was also shaking that time and I thought I was gonna faint.I became speechless again.The priest also talked about Reconciliation.He said that reconciliation was not just forgetting about the past..about what happened.Because it was impossible to forget about it.Reconciliation is about accepting what happened and learn from it.Be a better person because of what happened.So I really need reconciliation!hehehe.

After I left the confession room, I prayed to the Lord whole-heartedly.After that..I don't what happened again but I felt that my heart is so happy.I can smile without pretentions..I can laugh for real!I think God really moved and touched my heart that time.Until now, I'm feeling that my heart is so pure..as if He was saying that "Now you are ready for your baptism." huhu..God really has a plan for me..He really loves me so much! Now I can proudly say that I am worth keeping and loving! Because if I'm not, why would God let Jesus die on the cross?Jesus died because he wants every one of us to be with our Father again..hayz..

Finally..my dramatic days are over! And for that may God be glorified!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Picture! Picture!

Nothing special sa post ko na toh..feel ko lang picturan ang sarili ko habang nasa office..hehehe...
(I also uploaded these pics on friendster. check it out n lang..hihi)



Hehehe..la lang..feel ko lang ibaba ang dignidad ko thru pics..hihi..mukang halimaw..wahaha!





Eto naman ang masayang ako..naks naman!it's been a long time! haha! joke lang! of course I'm always happy..love n love ako ni God eh..madrama lang talaga ko minsan..haha!




waahh!! gusto ko ng magvideoke!! amisit sumuch! kaya kita mo,kahit walang mic kumakanta..hayz!

Sunday, October 14, 2007

ApaT DapaT, DapaT ApaT!


As I've said dun sa earlier post ko, pinanood namin ung movie na Apat Dapat. Ayun, sobrang enjoy nung movie! nakakapraning! walang moment n hindi k matatawa except n lang kung KJ ka!wahaha!

Cla Rufae Mae Quinto, Eugene DOmingo, Pokwang at Candy Pangilinan ung main casts nung movie.Di ko din alam kung bakit un ung napagkatuwaan naming panoorin ni tay russ smantalang andaming magandang movie that time.hehe.Nung nalaman ko kasi nagsama-sama sa isang movie ung apat,super naging interested ako.Cgurado kasing riot ang mangyayari.at totoo nga, confirmed na! sobrang napatawa ako nung film! Ang ganda ng mga punchline nila at way ng pagdeliver nung lines..kaya ayun..humahagalpak ako sa tawa..hehehe.sobrang nakakatawa nung movie,di mo mapapansin n malakas ang tawa dahil ang dami ding tumatawa sa sinehan!panalo talaga!sobrang stress reliever!

Pero nung nabasa ko ung mga movie review dun sa film,parang di sila nasiyahan.hehe.kesyo ano daw ang nkktawa sa ofw n namatay, wala daw sense ung movie, hindi maganda, at kung anik anik pa..well, all i can say is..depende cguro sa viewer yan.depende sa trip kumbaga.hehehe.ung iba kasi nasasabi lang n maganda ang movie pag maganda ang effects..o kaya naman pag puro mura or green jokes ung comedy movie..ano b un!well, iba iba lang talaga ng trip yan..hehe.pero meron ding part dun na naiyak ako hindi dahil sa twa kundi dahil natouch talaga ko.un ung part na inakap nung bata ung mama niya..basta parang nagsenti mode ako nun..naalala ko tatay ko.hehehe..pero natawa n lang ulit ako..

basta ako masaya!uulitin ko un pag nasa dvd n siya!hehehe..

THE 3-DAY DATE!

I had a very long weekend this week because I have not been able to come into the office last Thursday due to health problem.hehe.I was too dizzy.

Oct.12, Friday
Part 1: Sing with Yayan

Yayan went to my house in Pasig just to visit us(me and my Nanay).How i miss Yayan! the way she talks about her life, the way she laugh, everything about her! i lover her very much because she's so sweet and we are both 'makulit'.tamang timpla ika nga..hehe.after her long discussion of her love story and our yfc life, yayan slept for a while in my bed.after she recovered,i played my mp3 songs and we sung and laughed like we own the world! haha! it was so fun!we also dance even if we were lying in my bed.haha! and our motto for that day: "Kung kulang sa talento, idaan sa damdamin!" because we always forgot the lyrics of the song so we we just emote and do some doxology-type of dance.hehehe..

Part 2: Parlor Galore with my Nanay

My Nanay and I went to Megamall because..hmm..no reason at all. We just want to date. hehe. We went to the parts of the mall that I know she'll like. Like the Appliance Center, Furnitures, etc. It has been a long time since we date. And I saw my ultimate crush! I saw Mic-Mic! waahh! I want to faint that time!I really blushed!God really knows how to make me happy.hehehe. Then last Saturday, we went to a Salon. I had hair relax and my mother had a haircut.hehehe.I treat her for that one.hihi..

October 13,Saturday
SFC Sisters' Night out!

We have no clp but it is our schedule for our group date.hehehe.we break the rules..instead of one-to-one session,we made it a group session.pasaway!wahaha!the original plan was to have our date at Dimple's house. but she didn't come! waahh! so we went to Karen's house instead.Their house is really beautiful and I adore Karen for being sweet and being a photographer!haha!We started our sharing at 8pm and we finished it at around 1am.the amazing fact about it is that there were only 4 sharers that night.hehehe..i really had a gud tym with my sfc sisters..I got a chance to know them more and know me more.and it seems that God also planned our sitting arrangement that night. it seems that we were grouped according to our heart's status..the no boyfriend since birth group (ate mith and cherry), the anniversary group (mommy mich and beth), and the broken-hearted group (karen, ate pauline, and me!) haha..and the neutral one is ate jinky.hehehe..since karen is a photographer, we had our picture taking at the end of our sharing. i really had a sweet and fun night that night..thanks to sfc sisters!mwah!

(TAGALOG MODE NA..IBANG MOOD NAMAN.hehe)
October 14, Sunday
Part 1: Mall Tour with Tatay Russell

Cnundo ako ni tay russ nung sat from clp.first time n may sumundo sakin!haha!then nakitulog n din siya sa bahay namin. ang aga niya kong ginising..magsisimba p kasi.Sa edsa shrine kami nagsimba.kainis napaalis tuloy ako during the mass..nasi-cr kasi ako.hayz!then after nun, malling n sa Robinsons Galleria,the first mall. tingin tingin siya ng damit at sapatos dun.nung nagutom, kain kami sa Binalot.hehe.Then next stop..sa Megamall! Nanood kami ng sine sa Megamall..ano ung movie? APAT DAPAT DAPAT APAT! hahaha! grabe napraning ako sa movie n un! then after nung movie naghanap uli siya ng damit niya.then punta kami sa Farmer's Plaza, the third mall.tingin tingin ulit ng damit.at ang pang-apat na mall, Gateway! kasi may imi-meet kami..that's the next part.heheh

Part 2: YFC FAMILY!!!waaahhhh!!!

galing sa Kasangga ung mga bebis ko n cla - Livy, Champ, Ace, Mayz, at Cedrick - that day. Biglaan lang ung pagkikita namin.hehe.sayang nga wala c Kambal ko at tatay fello. ayun, nagkita kita lang yata kami para kumain at magtawanan! namiss ko ung ganong tawanan..ung tawa n parang walang problema.hehehe..namiss ko talaga ung mga bebis ko n un! sana maulit..at sana mas matagal..hayz..

grabe pagod ko that day..till now masakit p din ung mga hita at binti ko.hehehe.pero pag naaalala ko ung wikend n to sobrang saya ko! dami kong nakadate! haha! sosyal! ubos tuloy pera ko! hihihi..alabshu ol!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

WeiRd B?? Di NaMan aHh...



WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME

Wala lang..feel ko lang ilista lahat ng nasabi nilang weird tungkol sakin..pero sa tingin ko normal lang naman..hehehe

- ayokong sumasakay sa MRT : di ko din alam kung bakit.parang natatakot ako sa MRT unless my kasama ako.

- di ako makatulog ng walang nakapatong sa tiyan : haha!madali kasi akong kabagan.kaya kung ayaw niyong magrelease ako ng toxic air, kailangan may unan ako sa tiyan pag natulog!

- kailangan lamigin ang paa ko para maramdamang malamig : pag natutulog ako, dapat paa ko ang nahahanginan.para masabi kong hindi mainit. at lumalamig ang paa ko pag umuulan. haha! may weather forecast power ang paa ko!

- ayokong nagdadiet! : kahit i have a chubby/fat body, ayoko talagang magdiet. ayoko kasi ng payat n katawan. excuse po sa mga payat, pero sa tingin ko kasi hindi huggable pag payat..di masarap lambingin.hehehe

- sinasaktan ko ang taong namimiss ko : di ko din alam kung bakit. pero pag namiss ko ung isang tao at nakita ko, di ko maiwasang manggigil. kinakagat ko talaga sila..at pag lalaki sinasampal ko talaga..hehehe.kaya wag kayong magpapamiss!hihi

- inaantok sa milo at champorado : haha! kamote! inaantok ako pag umiinom ng milo kahit umagang umaga p lang! kahit champorado!

- di ko alam ang size ko : pag bumibili ako ng blouse or pants, dapat kasama ko ang nanay ko. mas alam niya kung kasya sakin ung damit o hindi. ewan ko ba..hehe..

- walang poise matulog : hihi..para daw akong orasan kung matulog. nakataas pa kamay. kaya ngawit ako paggising. lahat ng side ng kama napupuntahan ko.pero pag may katabi biglang behave ako.hehe..

- hidden wild side daw : haha! nabibigla sila pag nakikita nila kong galawgaw, maingay, magulo, makulit! normal mode ko kaya un!

- ghosts : i have seen ghosts since nung bata pa ko..pero mas natatakot ako pag napapanood ko sa tv kaysa sa normal na buhay..hihi..

- super tipid, super gastos: iba akong magtipid..ibang klase din kasi ako kung gumastos..hehehe..every sahod, di mo ko makikitang magbibibili ng kung ano ano unless kailangan talaga. di ko daw pinapamper ang sarili ko..hehe..un ang akala nila! pag pinamper ko na sarili ko, libo na ang usapan! niyahaha!

- nakakunot ang noo kahit comedy ang pinapanood : kapatid ko ang nakapansin nito. kahit comedy ang pinapanood, i looked serious daw sa isang tabi na nakakunot pa ang noo! haha! binabago ko n tong mannerism n to..:p

- takot sa clowns at ati-atihan : natatakot talaga ko sa kanila..kaya umiiwas n lang ako sa kanila..baka masampal ko pa e work lang naman nila un..wawa naman..hehe

- manhid type daw ako : nanliligaw na daw ung tao, di ko pa alam! e bakit ba, di ako assuming type of gurlaloo eh! di ko malalaman hanggat di sinasabi. normal na sakin ung may naglalambing.hehehe..

- masipag sa ibang bagay pero hindi sa bahay : - inaamin ko ang bagay na ito. mas masipag ako sa work at pag-aaral noon. ipagawa mo sakin kahit ano basta wag lang gawaing bahay noon. hehehe. pero nung lumipat n ko ng bahay, nagbago naman na ko..ayoko naman ng makalat na bahay.hehehe

- lahat ng toys ko may pangalan : nakagawian ko na siguro..na lahat ng stuff toy ko or kahit simpleng toy ko may pangalan..iba pa ung real name nila sa screen name nila ah..o di ba, artistahin!haha!

- sobrang pagkatakot sa daga : takot talaga ko sa daga. kahit iniisip ko pa lang ung buntot niya kinikilabutan na ko..kahit pic lang makita ko di ko kaya! hayz! naiiskandalo ang bahay namin noon pag nakakakita ako ng daga. kaya nung may nagregalo sakin ng stuff toy na daga (kahit cute ung toy) tinanggihan ko nung una.hehe..pero siyempre tinanggap ko din..special gift un eh..

- creamer addict : nadiskubre ko to nung nasa ps.org ako noon. antakaw ko sa creamer..un ang tinitimpla ko kaysa sa kape.hehehe

- childhood foods : till now favorite ko pa din ung mga kinakain o binabaon ko nung bata ako..like hi-ro, pretzel, sunshine, happy, halo-halo (ung mga greenpeas, etc.), chippy, chocnut, at flattops..un ang bakas ng kabataan ko..hahaha

- may tinatawag na tatay everywhere : since wala na akong tinatawag na tatay sa bahay (kasi patay na), ngayon ko lang din napansin na ang dami kong tinatawag na tatay. sa skul c daddy(Sir Vic), si amain (Sir Jarvy), at c tay sabino (mike sabino). Sa YFC si Tay Felo, Tay Pakz at c Tay Russell.hehehe..lahat naman sila pinanindigan ang pagiging ama-amahan sakin.suwerte ko!

- super late bloomer daw : eto totoo to..hehhe..di ko feel n babae ako noon eh.haha! joke lang! ngayon lang daw kasi ako nag-aayos..pero may pagkakilos lalaki pa din..hihi..

aba at may mga nagreact! eto po dagdag..

- super biter : hehe..lupeht ko daw mangagat..haha!baka madaming magreact dito!mejo pansin ko ngaun..hehehe

- ayoko sa malaking simbahan : dapat maalis ko n tong kakaibang ugali n to..kundi baka sa chapel lang ako ikasal..wahaha!ewan ko b,ayoko tlaga s malalaking simbahan

- tabinging paa : kaya ayoko ng high-heeled shoes dahil bukod sa masakit sa paa, halatang-halata n di ako pantay maglakad or tagilid paa ko pag naglalakad..hehehe..kitang kita kasi sa takong na pa-slant ung pagkaupod..hahaha!


...ano, weird ba? di naman di ba? :D

Monday, October 8, 2007

OCTOBER'S SAD EYES

October 2006-the month and year that my heart suffered from too much pain because of my father's illness. This was the time that I need to accept that our family will no longer be complete because my father will soon leave us. This was the time that my father died..the time that I considered the lowest point in my life..Bit by bit I have accepted it but I still miss my father very much..I want to laugh with him again..I want to argue with him just like the way we argue before..I want to sleep in his big stomach again and hear his heartbeat ..I want him to tease me again..how I miss the feeling of being safe because my father is there to support and fight for me..

But this was also the time that me and my loved one broke-up..I admit..it has been one year already but still, I can't get over him..I still love him so much..I can't believe that I have been able to store this too much pain in my heart for one year.

In the past months, I have done everything to forget this sadness..this feeling of loneliness..I'm back into service, I've focused on my work.. but I can still feel the pain. He was my first love..I loved him with all my heart. He is the only guy that I loved inspite of all the pains that I felt. Because of this pain, I felt that I'm not worthy to be kept and loved.

But because I love him so much, I will let go if that will make him happy..even if I don't know how to deal with my heart's reaction..

I am tired of being lonely..I think I also deserve to be happy..I always hide my loneliness because I am worried in my mother's reaction. But I think this is the time to let go of this loneliness..I think I suffered enough..Though I always say that I will move on, it is not that easy..I'm just hoping and praying to God to purify my heart again..I am not afraid to love and be hurt again..I have no regret having those two important man in my life. But I don't want to see these sad eyes again in my mirror..especially when it's October..

Sunday, October 7, 2007

-==FrUsTrAtiNg FirSt TiMe==-

When I entered AB Leisure Exponent, Inc., during the orientation, we were told that all employees were not allowed to play bingo game in any branch of our company. I felt sad about it because I haven't played any formal bingo before and I really want to play. So I prayed to God to give me a chance to play. Well...prayer answered!



It may sound weird but most of the players from our department was its first time to play Bingo yesterday. haha! I have played bingo before but it was just for fun..I mean, no big money involved and the card was free (it was during the NERDS' Christmas outing in Sunrock,Antipolo,Rizal). From that play, I've won two games - I've got 1 design book and 1 atlas.yehey!



The Mission V: Bingo Game was held at the World Trade Center. While I was in my way to WTC (together with Russell, my tatay-tatayan), there were many commotions happened to the bus that we were in. So I already said to myself, "ok, this is not my day!" Before we enter the WTC, we ate at Wensha Spa. I want to get the recipe of the Garlic Chicken that we ordered!damn!it was so delicious!



Unfortunately, we haven't attended any mass. SO that was sign number two that it was not my day! I think God got bitter on me (I'm really sorry!!!!!) When we entered the Bingo Hall, the one that was flashed on the screen was the fight of Pacquiao and Barrera. When Kyla sung the National Anthem, all the people in the Bingo Hall applaused. Haha! Is this some kind of a concert or what??! I looked for my officemates and sit with them. As usual, they teased me because I'm with Russell. They did not believe to me that he was not boyfriend. Ok, believe what they want to believe but we really don't have that special relationship! The WTC was so full! There were lots of players! If you will compute the probability of winning, the answer is, it was almost impossible!



Then the game started!


During the warm up game, I can't understand my feelings. Maybe I was just too excited because it was my first time to play bingo.haha! My hands were cold! I tried to calm my self and just enjoy the game instead. But it was really frustrating! As the balls were drawn, I can't keep myself praying and hoping that the ball drawn was hopefully included in my bingo card. And I got headache with that! My heart started to beat fast as I felt that there were many players that were just one ball away to win. When somebody shouts 'Bingo!', waahh!! we can't help to say 'sayang!' because we were just 2-3 balls away!arghh! Anyway, that's normal because it is a game.hehehe.But it was really frustrating! I really want to experience shouting 'BINGO'! at that time. And most of the winners were first timers. Aww..it was my first time too! But I think I'm not in God's list of winners that day so..I need to accept it. Aside from the minor prizes like 100k, 80k, 60k, 40 k, 30k, and 20k, the major prizes were 3 cars (Avanza, Vios, and I forgot the other one) and 1 million pesos! Who will not feel the frustration of winning with those prizes! But I really enjoyed the game..it was fun! Hehehe...


I asked God to just let me play..I did not asked to let me win..hehe! It's not what God planned for me! Haha!

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Senti Songs ko Ngayon =(

If I'm not in love with you by Faith Hill

If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you, baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with you

And if I don't need your touch
Why do I miss you so much
Tonight
If its just infatuation then
Why is my heart aching
To hold you forever
Give a part of me I thought Id never
Give again to someone I could lose
If I'm not in love with you

Why in every fantasy
Do I feel your arms embracing me
Lovers lost in sweet desire
Why in dreams do I surrender
Lying with you baby
Someone help explain this feeling
Someone tell me

If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then what should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If Im not in love with you

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough
by Patty Smith & Don Henley

Now, I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you, but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you, I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there's no way home, when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No.

I love you, goodbye
by Nina

Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you
That I'll always stay with you
But baby that's not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

I hope someday you can
Find some way to understand I'm only doing this for you
I don't really wanna go
But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do
You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be
Who'll give you something better
Than the love you'll find with me
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a crime
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Leaving someone when you love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as I love you

Oh I don't wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
But I'll never be the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Baby, its never gonna work out
I love you, goodbye


All At Once
by Whitney Houston

All at once,
I finally took a moment and Im realizing that
Your not coming back
And it finally hit me all at once
All at once,
I started counting teardrops and at least a million fell
My eyes began to swell,
And all my dreams were shattered all at once

Chorus:
Ever since I met you
Youre the only love Ive known
And I cant forget you
Though I must face it all alone
All at once, Im drifting on a lonely see
Wishing youd come back to me
And thats all that matters now
All at once, Im drifting on a lonely sea
Holding on to memories
And it hurts me more than you know
So much more than it shows
All at once

All at once,
I looked around and found that you were with another love
In someone elses arms,
And all my dreams were shattered, all at once
All at once
The smile that used to greet me brightened someone elses day
She took your smile away
And left me with just memories, all at once

Chorus

Someday
by Nina

Someday you'll gonna realize
One day you'll see through my eyes
But then i won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if i can't

I know
You dont really see my worth
You think your the last guy on earth
Well i've got news for you
I know i'm not that strong
But it won't take long
Won't take long

Chorus

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday

But now
I know you can't tell
I'm down,and i'm not down anyway
But one day these tears
They will all run dry
I won't have to cry
Sweet goodbye

Chorus

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday

Tuloy Pa Rin Ang Awit
by Neocolours

Sa wari ko'y
Lumipas na ang kadiliman ng araw
Dahan-dahan pang gumigising
At ngayo'y babawi na

Muntik na
Nasanay ako sa 'king pag-iisa
Kaya nang iwanan ang
Bakas ng kahapon ko

CHORUS:
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin

Kung minsan ay hinahanap
Pang alaala ng iyong halik (alaala ng 'yong halik)
Inaamin ko na kay tagal pa
Bago malilimutan ito

Kay hirap nang maulit muli
Ang naiwan nating pag-ibig (alam ko na 'yan)
Tanggap na at natututo pang
Harapin ang katotohanang ito

CHORUS:
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin

Muntik na
Nasanay ako sa 'king pag-iisa
Kaya nang iwanan
Ang bakas ng kahapon ko

CHORUS:
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko (tuloy pa rin)
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo (hugis ng mundo mo)
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo (hamunin)
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin (tuloy pa rin)
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko (tuloy pa rin)
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo (oh..hoh..)
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo (handang harapin ang mundo)
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

BUhAy AluMni at Bago MagiNg ALumNi

Isa na naman ito sa mga outdated n post ko..hehehe

Siyempre bago maging alumni, kailangan ko munang grumaduate sa East Asia.At ay naku po! haha! eto istorya..

Practice ng Graduation:
Sa room t504 lang kami nung practice ng graduation..isa siyang PE Room sa skul..so venue p lang, pano mafi-feel n special ung graduation d b?pero ok n un, forgiven n..baka low budget lang talaga..saka malamig naman dun eh.Un ang akala ko!kamusta naman!pati aircon talagang pinanindigang di i-on! a..ano ito???e di todo paypay ang lola mo!ok, forgive n din.masunurin p kami non eh.e di prinactice n mula entrance, way ng paglakad, pagreceive ng diploma at kung anik anik pang kailangan sa ceremony.eto na ang masayang part..ang sitting arrangement!dito n kami umalma!ang gusto kasi nila at ito n daw ang naging ritual n katabi ng graduates ang kanilang mga parents! initial reactions? 'ano kami, bata?kinder ito!', 'pano mo mafifeel ung moment niyong magkakaiskuwela kung katabi mo parents mo??', 'parang nakakailang naman n katabi mo parents mo..grad mo n lang pinapagalitan k p at sasabihin sayong magbehave ka..', 'nkksira ng moment!'..cnabi namin NG MAAYOS ang mga reactions n ito, at ayun kami ang nagmukang masama..nagtanong lang ung isa naming kasama na pano kung di makapunta sa baccalaureate mass aba ang dami ng sinabi! di ko n lang sasabihin kung ano ung mga cnabi at nako..then gusto din nila na sa ground kami maghintay before grad..akalain mo un??tanghaling tapat gusto kaming paghintayin sa ground?? baka daw kasi makaabala sa mga nag-eenrol??a..ano ito???panalo talaga!!!at ang makasaysayang invitation..sabi ibibigay na samin!pero di naibigay..balikan n lang daw namin..wala daw clang magagawa kung ayaw ng magprint ng printer..huh?!??!? isa pa! hindi cnabi kung cnong mga awardees..kung sa pakiramdam mo daw ay may award ka, tumayo k n lang daw sa grad at sumama sa pila..huh?!?!?!imaginin mo n lang ang reaction ng mukha ko nung cnabi un!hahaha!siyempre,kilala ang batch namin bilang maalmang batch..kaya di maiiwasan ang commotion at pagtatalo..hahaha!gagraduate n lang away pa!

Batch Picture:

After ng practice ay batch picture na.binigay ung toga after nung practice.e di kami,, excited namang magsuot ng toga!biglang ang tela ay..tela nung sa barbero?ung manipis na madaling malukot?di ko alam kung maarte lang ba ako o nakakadismaya lang talaga..ok fine! excited ako eh! forgiven n un!siyempre di pa namin alam ilagay at isuot un..tapos bigla ng nagtawag ng 'IT! picture n IT!' huh??? agad? kaya ayun..ang mga itsura namin mukang stolen picture lang.nawala n naman ang pagkasolemn ng grad..hehehe..

Graduation Picture:

Digiprint ang official studio namin nun.first day ako nagpa-gradpic.pra hindi kung kani-kaninong mukha n naipahid ung makeup nila..hehehe. ok naman ung naging flow dito..mejo mahal nga lang..hehehe

Graduation Proper:

nasa patakaran kasi n pag late kang dumating ay sa likod k n mauupo kaya maaga akong dumating sa skul..di ko masyadong nakita ung iba kong classmates..di ko sila masyadong nakapiling.buti naman at sa main building na kami unang pinapila..dahil kpag sa ground ay baka may magcolapse sa init.eksena n naman un! hehehe. pagdating sa loob ng auditorium, nangyari ang mga inaasahang mangyari.so pag may awardee, todo excuse s mga madadaanan niyang parents..di makapagyakapan ang mga graduates kasi nga 2 seats away siya sa kaniyang ka-batch..nakakalungkot..di ko talaga nadama na moment ng batch namin un..sayang..di din ako masyadong nakapagpapic sa kanila..hayz!till now nanghihinayang p din ako..parang gusto kong ulitin ung graduation..natuwa ako nung nakita ko si SIR MANUEL..hehehe..umatteng siya ng grad namin!ang saya!

Picture! Picture! :

Most of my gradpics ay kasama ko ang NERDS. di ko din alam kung bakit..hehehe..

Kainan!:
After ng mhabang picture picture, kain kami ng kuya,sangko at nanay ko sa Chowking.Pero ito ang unang event sa buhay ko na hindi ako naghanda.low budget n din kasi kami nun..first special event kasi sa life ko n wala ang tatay ko..hay..ang sad..

Kuhanan ng TOR, Gradpic, Diploma, etc:
ANg pagbabalik ng alumni sa skul. un nga lang di sabay sabay.ayun, awa ng Diyos hanggang ngayon wala p kaming diploma..ung TOR nakuha ko n pero irereprint daw dahil andaming mali especially sa bilang ng units. kamusta n nmn..no comment!e di excited kami sa pagkuha ng gradpic..saturday un..un kasi ung advised day n pumunta kami.siyempre may work din kami pag weekdays.e may iba bang kukunin ung mga kasama ko bukod sa diploma at tor.nung kukunin n nila, ang sabi 'ay nakaleave cla pag saturday eh'. huh?!??! i-assign b sa mga naka-leave pag sat ung mga kukunin ng alumni??kaya ayun, umuwi n lang kaming asar..wala naman kaming magagawa kung naka-leave sila eh..pero d b..no comment n lang ulit!

Yearbook issue:
We were informed n di n nga daw itutuloy ung pagprint ng yearbook namin.di daw kasi namin na-meet ung required number of print para mai-pursue ung yearbook.150 daw kasi ang dapat umorder.e kamusta naman! 135 lang kaming grumaduate nun! kahit di ako ganong kagaling sa math, alam kong wala yata sa ratio ung sinabi nila! till now mukang wala ng pag-asang magkayearbook kami.nakakalungkot ulit..un n lang ung memorabilia mo sa school at sa batchmates mo, naudlot pa.ang sakit sa loob kasi ang naiwang memorabilia sakin ay ung mga cd ng projects namin at kung ano2 pang project proposal jan.parang di ko yata mapag-eemotan yun!baka mayayamot lang ako pag tinitigan ko yun!hayz!

++++++++++++++++++++++

andami mang naging commotion before, during at after graduation, ok naman kaming mga alumni ngayon..most of us are employed naman..kaya lang sobrang sabik akong makita sila..prang pakirmdam ko every week dapat nagkikita-kita kami..hehehe.at most of us din nagsasabi n mas masarap mag-aral..hehehe.maybe because of higher responsibilities.iba ang buhay estudyante..akala ko noon mabigat na..di pa pala..may mas mabigat n situaton p pala..hehehe.

sa mga ka-batch ko..God bless sa career!

(Trivia: andami ng nagsabi sakin na di kita makakalimutan pag nasa abroad na ko..nasa lima n yata cla..aba!bakit??favorite niyo kong iwanan ah..unahan ko kaya kayo..hehehe :p )

Monday, October 1, 2007

..H0w I MiSs ThE YFC LiFe..PART 3

Ayan..the last part..hehehe..

SY 2006-2007..Intern n ko..napa-lilo ako sa YFC..bilang give way ko n rin kay Mayla..siya kasi ang pumalit sakin bilang Senior Sis..C Kambal ang president at c Livy naman ang EVP..ginawa nila kong AVP SocPol nun.so tuloy ang service ko..pero naging busy dahil sa Intern..hirap kumilos..di rin ako nagtagal bilang SocPol. cguro para n rin kay Mayla..ang pangit naman n termino niya tapos super active p rin ako n parang ako p din ang senior sis..nkkwalang galang naman pag ganun..hehehe..e mahal n mahal ko p naman ung anak ko n un..

ang nkakatuwa,tuloy ang hh namin sa trend..kami nila clark,cherry,mei,beth,at angel.ang saya saya nun! hehehe.. pero after nun, lilo n naman ako..kakalungkot! may mga contest kasi akong sinasalihan nun..huhuhu..

kaya hanggang graduation ay di ko masyadong nakasama ang mga minamahal kong anak, brothers, at sisters..kaya siguro ganito pakiramdam ko ngayon..parang andaming kulang..dati nga kahit graduate n ko palagi p rin akong nasa skul evry sat..naghihintay ng ka-yfc..naghihintay ng ka-UBE..pra akong multo na may unfulfilled mission kaya di makalet-go sa skul..hayz..

nagc-clp n ko ngayon sa fatima..ka-unit ko cla tay felo,beth.mei..ka-participant ko c cherry..but still,kahit in service p rin ako, namimiss ko ung buhay ko dati..naglalambing ako sa mga ka-group ko sa clp tulad ng naging paglalambing ko s mga ka-execom ko dati..hinahanap ko ang yfc aura sa clp..pero alam kong di dapat..di dapat i-compare..naninibago lang siguro ko..

nung times n lungkot n lungkot ako dati, palaging napupunta sa isip ko n gusto kong balikan ang yfc days ko..ung super nahihirapan pero masaya..palaging umiiyak pero maligay..gulo no?pero ganun yata talaga pag buhay para kay Kristo..exciting..hehehe..

But i really miss those times..I REALLY MISS MY YFC LIFE...